It is the desire of both sex partners in a marriage to enjoy their sex life. But unfortunately, there are some factors that prevent some partners from fulfilling this dream. Loss of libido (sex drive) is a common problem affecting up to one in five men – and even more women – at some point in their life.
It's often linked to professional and personal stress, or important life-changing events such as pregnancy, childbirth or breastfeeding.
However, an unexpected loss of libido – especially when it lasts for a long time or keeps returning – can also indicate an underlying personal, medical or lifestyle problem, which can be upsetting to both partners in a relationship.
If you're concerned about your libido, especially if your diminished sex drive distresses you or affects your relationship, make an appointment to see your GP to discuss any underlying causes and possible medical or psychological treatments.
In the meantime, you may find the following information useful. It explains some of the most common reasons for loss of libido.
Stress
The body does not react well to stress. Emotional stress may affect physical function, including sexual desire and performance. Realizing what underlying stressors may exist is the first step in treatment. Consult your doctor if you are feeling this way.
Stress, anxiety and exhaustion can be all-consuming and have a major impact on your happiness. If you feel you're constantly tired, stressed or anxious, you may need to make some lifestyle changes or speak to your doctor for advice.
Your Partner
Sexual desire requires two to tango. Both partners need to feel connected and women especially need the feeling of being close. Poor communications, a sense of betrayal, lack of trust, and repeated fighting and criticism may create a relationship that lacks closeness and intimacy. Counselling may be the answer if couples find that the issues are too tough to resolve on their own.
Alcohol
Alcohol is usually not the answer to any problem. While alcohol may decrease inhibitions, it also decreases sexual performance and libido. Your partner may not appreciate a drunken advance and may be turned off by it. Alcohol is an addictive drug and you may need help to quit.
Lack of Sleep
As with any physical activity, a rested body increases performance. Lack of sleep, including lack of proper sleep, may be the culprit that decreases sex drive. Sleep apnea is a potential cause for lack of good sleep and lack of libido. Medical help may be needed if you or your partner suspects it.
Having Kids
Being a parent is a full-time job and you need to carve out time without a child or baby around. Planning quiet time for intimacy and sexual desire may require some creative thinking, like having sex when the baby naps, or hiring a babysitter so mom and dad can have a play date.
Medication
Taking certain medications can lower testosterone levels, which in turn may lead to low libido. For example, blood pressure medications like ACE inhibitors and beta-blockers may prevent ejaculation and erections.
Side effects of many prescription medications include loss of libido and sex drive. Some examples include:
· High blood pressure medications including water pills and beta blockers
· Cold medications that contain antihistamines and decongestants
· Antidepressants
· Birth control pills
· Narcotic pain pills
· Chemotherapy drugs
If this is the cause, your doctor may be able to suggest a medication alternative that might have fewer side effects.
Poor Body Image
Sexy is as sexy feels. Many people have low self-esteem when it comes to their body shape and this can affect their sex drive and desire. Being happy with yourself is an important first step. A supportive partner always helps.
Obesity
Obesity affects a sizable proportion of sexually active people in the world. Being overweight can limit desire because of decreased sexual enjoyment, lack of performance, and poor self-esteem. How you feel about yourself goes a long way in affecting how you enjoy sex. Counselling may be helpful.
Erection Problems
Erectile dysfunction (ED) can not only affect the ability to have intercourse but also how a man feels about his ability to perform. There are many options available to treat ED and your doctor can help find the option that is best for you and your partner.
Low Testosterone
Testosterone is an important male hormone. In men, it’s mostly produced in the testicles. Testosterone is responsible for building muscles and bone mass and stimulating sperm production. Your testosterone levels also factor into your sex drive.
You’re considered to have low testosterone, or low T, when your levels fall below 300 to 350 nanograms per decilitre (ng/dL). When your testosterone levels decrease, your desire for sex also decreases.
Decreasing testosterone is a normal part of aging. However, a drastic drop in testosterone can lead to decreased libido. Talk to your doctor if you think this might be an issue for you. You may be able to take supplements or gels to increase your testosterone levels.
While a man's testosterone level gradually falls with aging, there is not necessarily any relationship between hormone levels and the desire for sex. It is just one potential cause for decreased libido and your doctor may want to look for other causes in addition to just low testosterone (“low T”).
Depression
Depression affects all facets of life including sex drive. Losing pleasure in daily activities often requires treatment including counselling and perhaps medication. Unfortunately, some antidepressants also depress libido. Your doctor and therapist need to know if low sex drive is one of your symptoms of depression.
People with depression experience a reduced or complete lack of interest in activities they once found pleasurable, including sex.
Also, low libido is a side effect of some antidepressants, especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Talk to your doctor if you’re taking antidepressants and you have a low libido. Your doctor might address your side effects by adjusting your dose or switching to another medication.
Menopause
Menopause may cause physical changes that affect intercourse, including vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse (dyspareunia). Treatments are available to enhance sexual desire and function after menopause.
Lack of Closeness
Making love is more than just sex. Intimacy and closeness are important part of a health love life. If sexual desire is waning, it may be time to inject romance back in the relationship. Snuggling, giving each other massages and spending casual time together may help ignite that spark.
Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS)
Restless legs syndrome (RLS) is the uncontrollable urge to move your legs. A study found that men with RLS are at higher risk for developing erectile dysfunction than those without RLS. Erectile dysfunction (ED) occurs when a man can’t have or maintain an erection.
In the study, researchers found that men who had RLS occurrences at least five times per month were about 50 percent more likely to get ED than men without RLS. Also, men who had RLS episodes more frequently were even more likely to become impotent.
Chronic Illness
When you’re not feeling well due to the effects of a chronic health condition, such as chronic pain, sex is likely low on your list of priorities. Certain illnesses, such as cancer, can reduce your sperm production counts since your body focuses on getting through the day.
If you’re experiencing a chronic illness, talk with your partner about ways to be intimate during this time. You may also consider seeing a marriage counsellor or sex therapist about your issues.
Aging
Testosterone levels, which are linked to libido, are at their highest when men are in their late teens. Men generally notice a difference in their libido around ages 60 to 65, according to the Mayo Clinic.
In your older years, it may take longer to have orgasms, ejaculate, and become aroused. Your erections may not be as hard, and it may take longer for your penis to become erect. However, medications are available that can help treat these issues.
Outlook
Treating low libido often depends on treating the underlying issue. You may need to switch medications. If your low libido has psychological causes, you may need to visit a therapist for relationship counselling.
You can also take steps to boost your libido on your own. The following have the potential to increase your libido:
· living a healthier lifestyle
· getting enough sleep
· practicing stress management
· eating a healthier diet